I realize that it’s not the smartest thing to do, but it worked. The second extension cord attached to the first helped lengthen the available reach so that I could move past the door. I enjoy the swaying of the porch swing in rhythm with the slight breeze that is teasing with its promise of rain. The high school marching band is practicing off in the distance… the low rumble of drums remind me of thunder while the high pitch of the brass instruments remind me of times past. I would consider this a promising time of year.
The gentleness of the early afternoon leaves me time to recollect our conversation from just the other day. All of my thoughts get quite jumbled as I consider what has been, what is now, and what could be in my future. I can’t help but realize I feel older than I actually am, and yet feel much more youthful than I am many times told I should be. Yes, this like all times, is a confusing time of life.
I appreciate freedoms of life in my youthfulness. I like the flexibility. I cling to the days of last-minute plans. I like the options. I want you to call me up and tell me what we’re doing tomorrow. I want to run away without an agenda, ready to see the world. I like having the world at my fingertips – that I can express my thoughts in tangible ways, that I can share what I see, how I feel, who I want to be…
It is my experiences that I feel have aged me… added on a few years of maturity beyond twenty-two. Many times I am afraid to speak up for what I want out of life… perhaps it is the fear of being judged. I don’t want you to tell me that my passions are unworthy. Unlike my spontaneity in youthfulness, there is a deep desire in me to know that I can settle down someday. I can’t wait for that day to take care of a house, kids, dog, and husband… to feel as though I will be in one place somewhat permanently… to get involved in a ministry with the intent of sticking around on a consistent basis.
[ Side note ] I just watched two squirrels brave the treacherous road in front of the house. Squirrel #1 (with the walnut in his mouth) was quite the daredevil as he jumped in front of a car and successfully made it to the yard on the other side, while Squirrel #2 was most likely on the brink of a heart attack as he stopped at the edge of the pavement and then retreated back to the yard from which he came… (I ponder this possible symbolism and for a moment, wonder which squirrel my life might represent today). [ End side note ]
Anyway… I have decided that I am going to write a book. Someday. I don’t think it’s just a light whim, either. I have a lot of thoughts in my head and resting on my heart that I really want to share with the world… especially young girls in today’s culture. I want them to hear what I have learned from experience and to feel and grasp new thoughts they may have felt but never heard voiced. I think once this book is written I will travel around to speak on these thoughts floating around so close to my heart.
In the meantime I’ll enjoy the light rain on this wonderful summer afternoon. I will accept the freedoms of my youthfulness at hand… I will experience life on a whim, but I am awaiting the consistency that maturity will bring… there is a part of me longing for the day when I will “settle down”… whatever that means or however it will look.
Porch swing, sway in the breeze of the afternoon
and carry me with you as I close my eyes and dream…