inspired memories.

i know today isn’t really about being sad…
but i am sad, nonetheless.

it was one year ago today that i experienced the crippling grief of great loss… the loss of one of my dearest friends.  i am trying to remember to be thankful for the time that God shared her with me and others.  i am certainly blessed to have known her… she has inspired so much in me in the short time that i spent with her.

i was walking towards work this crisp fall morning from the top of pine street as one of two guys shouted “hello” from the rooftop, asking how i was… it seemed straight out of a movie.  i replied “good,” noticing the blue of the sky, and he proceeded to tell me that i looked nice today…  that made me smile.  i know janet would have gotten a kick out of that.  i also know she would love this coffeeshop that i work at…

i miss her.

in honor of the memories i have of janet, i have listened to plenty of the format, lovedrug, imogen heap… even some shane & shane and matt nathanson… i guess really any song finds it’s way to remind me of janet today.  i also had a wrap for lunch, reflecting on all of the many times i would walk into our kitchen and find her nibbling on a green spinach tortilla wrap… i am reminded that she is now in a place where there is no pain… no stomach problems… i wonder what she may be feasting on today.

the rain storm that rolled through this afternoon seemed only appropriate, and managed to keep me inside rather than out and about and driving around.  i think this really was best… driving too easily brought tears to my eyes today.

of course it would seem, that every news clip i happened to catch on the television this evening reminded me of the loss of janet… the death of a student in chicago… the loss of lives in the floods in the philippines… (i just know janet would have been eager to go help those people, if she could)… 

sigh.

i am lonely.  i’m sure some would say it would be better to be in a crowd at this moment… but perhaps i need to feel lonely for now.  i won’t deny that i wish i had arms wrapped around me at the moment, but it needs to carry significance.  i’m not lonely because i’m still hurting, but i am lonely because i want to be a part of something greater.  i miss the people who understand what that means… i miss my dear friends who knew her so well right alongside me…

i miss my dear friend who taught me to love unconditionally.

 


Advertisements

About jlynne

[conversations are key.] View all posts by jlynne

3 responses to “inspired memories.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s