I guess some things were just not meant to be written.
I spent well over an hour this evening, crafting up this eloquent post about recent frustrations over baking, and how it can reduce me to an unsure, upset and flustered girl that ruins my entire day. I wrote down in detail the entire process of that morning, and even related it to Scripture…
I finished that post, added a slew of tags, and then hit the magic “Publish” button, and swoosh… off it went to several of my social networks, yet… sigh. Only half of the first sentence remained. How did that even happen?!! How could all of those words just disappear! Then I spent the last 45 minutes searching everything… autosave, cached pages in my browser… nothing. Absolutely vanished. The photo I uploaded, and everything.
I realize that everything is temporary in this world, but somehow I expect that technology is supposed to keep a running picture of exactly what I expect it should. So how can I not just click backwards in the timeline of images on my screen, to find exactly what I had written 20 seconds ago, to publish it properly? I guess that would require “turning back time,” which I obviously cannot do.
Many times in this situation I would sit here on the verge of crying. But not tonight. Perhaps it is because I am too dumbfounded and shocked to actually realize that it really has vanished. Or perhaps it is because as I finally gave up, I sat here so frustrated that I decided it wasn’t even worth it anymore. I was ready to turn off the computer and leave it be. But then I realized that if I do not approach the subject and attack an entry, I would miss out on the process of pushing through my frustrations.
Some things in life just really baffle me.
And mysterious posts vanishing is one of them.
I’m not really into the whole “it must be a sign” thing… but if I can’t figure out how to recover a post, then there really must be a reason that those words have disappeared.
I noticed recently that I talk a lot about my emotions on here, and little about actual events in my life. It feels as though life has been quite the whirlwind recently, and yet, not too much has changed as far as my own circumstances. I have many friends getting married… friends who have moved back into the area… friends having babies… friends having second babies!… more photography gigs here and there (although, I could do with a good number more)… a friend and roommate moving out, a new roommate potentially moving in…
I myself will be moving: from downstairs to upstairs. That may sound silly, but it still feels like a big move to me. Mostly exciting, mixed with a bit of hesitancy. My room may be small and the carpet may be ugly, but I like having my own bathroom on the first floor, and quick access to the kitchen, living room, and back door. Especially since it involves Sadie have quick access to the kitchen and back door as well.
Some things don’t matter much in the long run. It does not matter how long I spent on a blog entry, and it does not matter if it disappears into the “great unknown”… but what does matter is that I persevere through my frustrations and jump over hurdles that seem intimidating. This past weekend I had been listening to a good bit of Nickel Creek (perfect music for rainy days), and the one song has this beautiful lyric that truly resonates with my heart these past few months:
“You don’t have to move that mountain,
just help me Lord to climb it.
You don’t have to move that stumblin’ block,
just show me the way around it.”