unexpected & overwhelmed.

the other day was a very precious day…

I had the opportunity to watch the baby girl of two of my dearest friends as they were at work the other day… a blessing of having one part time job at the moment. What a special day, but I have a new respect for moms. It’s not that I even had a difficult day or anything… I just realized how much more “busy” a day can seem! The breaks in my own familiar routine throughout the day… the bottle feeding, interacting, the napping… and doing it all over again several times a day! … I loved it.

There was one moment late in the day that had me slightly worn down and yet managed to bring tears to my eyes… This beautiful girl was a breeze through the entire day, but naturally became fussy in the late afternoon when she decided she was hungry… I was trying to hold her off from having a bottle so that her mom could feed her once she got home, and I didn’t want her to fall asleep again before eating… but nothing was satisfying this sweet bundle of joy…

So I did the only thing I could think of: I carried her around the house, cradled in my arms. And of course, this wasn’t helping either, so I did the only other thing my tired and confused brain could think of… I started humming.

So here I am, pacing around the first floor of the house, rocking this beautiful baby in my arms, humming whatever made-up tune was in my head, and she silenced right up… and gazed up at me with those beautiful baby eyes… and somehow I had transitioned to “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and before I knew it, there were tears streaming down my face. My heart was so full in that moment and I caught myself doing something I had always dreamed of doing someday… I realized that little “pang” of desire in that moment… desire to be a mom, and be able to soothe my own baby by humming a song…

It amazes me how my heart will so many times desire something that makes no sense to my mind. I see this so many times in my life… with so many situations… but this time, it was unmistakeable joy that I desired. I’m not necessarily itching to be married right this instant. I have many things to learn in life, and I am content in pursuing my independence and purpose and strengthening my character as I am… and I really am not itching to have children right this instant, knowing that it is not as “romantic” as that one little moment the other day… but knowing that those desires to someday be married… to someday have children of my own… knowing that those desires are not just a dream or an illusion, but that they are inherently a part of me, so much so that they bring me to tears…

well, for that I am thankful. and encouraged. for that moment of unexpected and overwhelming joy in my heart will carry me a long way in being content today.


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