Tag Archives: pain

(almost) ten years later…

20140319-221628.jpgthey say that time heals all wounds.

i hated that phrase, once.  when my heart was first broken and the world that i knew was shattered… everyone told me that it just takes time.  that despite my brokenness, someday i would feel whole again.  that’s the last thing that you want to hear when your heart hurts… and i still remember vividly what those days and nights were like, to feel empty, and dark, and hollow… to feel worthless.   to feel like i would never be able to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.

but i did.  slowly, but surely… i did.  and now i believe it.  that in many ways, time truly does allow for the wounds of pain and brokenness to heal.  there are still scars… some more obvious than others… but the pain is no longer there.  i really couldn’t even tell you when the pain finally went away… it just did.  and it doesn’t hurt anymore… those memories are no longer a burden.

looking back, i see God’s hand at work in the way that He cared for me and surrounded me and distracted me from my own brokenness, to allow the pain to go away over time.  and eventually, God broke down some walls around my heart to recognize my own flaws within that pain… my own selfishness and my desire for control.  a never-ending journey, but one that is recognized and that i fight against almost every day… to desire less of me and more of Him.

and while time seems to be able to heal (most) wounds, i still believe there is great need for action… that healing ultimately requires recognition and response.  to recognize what once was and where you are going… and to respond… to forgive.  time may be able to distract and heal the pain… but without forgiveness, the bitterness will always sit in my heart.  how much more clearly i can understand the Scriptures when it says “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.  But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15)  what a strong statement!  there is no way of letting go of the bitterness in my heart without forgiveness.  and despite all of this brokenness and pain and bitterness that was once in my heart… the Lord loves me all the more for it.

“all the more! this amazes me. time and time again, i feel like i continue to stumble and fall and that i am filled with that brokenness again, or the selfishness, or the bitterness, and time and time again the Lord washes over my brokenness and pain.  the past few weeks i keep coming back to this phrase in James where he simply states, “but He gives more grace.”  and i am overwhelmed.  almost ten years later and the Lord is continuing to overwhelm me with His Grace, and i feel that i can finally say that i have let it all go… the pain, the brokenness, and the bitterness from all those years ago.

tonight, i treasure the brokenness that has strengthened me to
become who i am today.

tonight, i am overwhelmed by grace.

tonight, i am hopeful for the future and what is to come…